Old Man and Old Woman in Nursing Home.....

[joepa66]

There was this old man who hit on this old woman in a nursing home cafeteria for two years straight. She would always turn down his request for a date. Finally, after two years the old man gave her an ultimatum....."We're both widowed. Your husband has been gone for 10 years and my wife for 7, so what could be the harm in us just having sex."

The old lady replied, "Fine, let's get this over with so you'll stop bugging me. Let's go to my room."

The old lady sits on the edge of her bed taking off her clothes while the old man excuses himself to the restroom. When he comes out, he finds the old lady naked, standing on her head in the corner of the room with a chair next to her.

"Whoa, not so fast lady. I'm not into any kinky stuff or anything, says the old man.

"No, no you have it all wrong, " the old lady replies. This is just in case you can't get it up you can just drop it in," she replies!

[joepa66]

Elderly couple sitting in the kitchen having breakfast when the wife says, "I remember when we first got married we used to sit here naked enjoying one another's company." "Yes, I remember that too and am sorry those days have long passed," replied the husband.

"I used to get such a warm feeling just sitting here with you", the wife replied. "Would you like to try it again," she asked.

"Ok by me, but things are definitely going to be different," replied the husband.

With that they both take off their clothes and come back to the table. Almost instantly the wife said, "Wow, I hardly get set down and that same wonderful warm feeling has already come over me," said the wife.

"Honey," replied the husband, "that's because your right breast is in your coffee and the left is in your oatmeal."

[joepa66]

An older couple was sitting in a diner having dinner when the wife who is hard of hearing and speaks loudly pronounces, "Hey, honey isn't this the same restaurant you took me too on our first date?"

"Yes dear," replied the husband asking her to keep her voice down.

"Yes, I remember it well," she replied. "You bought me a big piece of pie after dinner, and I let you have your dessert by bending me over a fence post out back."

The husband nodded and again reminded his wife about lowering her voice.

"Would ya like to try and gets those days back?" she loudly asked.

"Yes, yes. Whatever makes you happy, just keep your voice down and eat your dinner," the husband replied.

Unbeknownst to the old couple a local police officer was sitting in the booth directly behind the husband and overheard their whole conversation. He told himself that if they tried to re-enact any love making session he was going to have to bust them for lewd conduct in a public place. When they finished eating he followed them outside and peeked around the corner of the building watching their every mone. He thought to himself, this won't last long!

He watched for 5 minutes, then 10, 20, 30 and finally after 40 minutes the couple stopped their gymnastics and fell to the ground exhausted. He approached them in disbelief and explained how he had overheard their conversation and was going to arrest them, but was so impressed that he just wanted to know their secret.

The old man lying on the ground, totally worn out opens one eye and looks up at the cop and said, "Sonny, 40 years ago when we did this, it wasn't an electric fence!"

[redhog55]

An old couple were sitting on their front porch rocking chairs one evening.

Out of nowhere, the old lady backhands the old man and about knocks him out of his rocking chair.

"What the hell was that for" he yelled.

"That's for 40 years of terrible sex" she replied.

After a few minutes they were rocking again and out of nowhere the old man backhands the old lady.

"Why did you hit me" she screamed.

"That's for knowing the difference" he said.